New vs Used

A question many girlfriend seekers have to address is whether to get a
new or a used girlfriend. The answer to this question will, roughly
speaking, be determined by your age, as shown in the following table:

Your age Used or New
——- ———– 1-12 years (see note A)
13-16 years New
17-21 years Used, but not used up
22-35 years Used heavily
35-60 years New (see note B)

A: Seek psychiatric help
B: Only "new" if income $100,000/year. Otherwise, "divorced."

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