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I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that
inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”)

There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one Jurassic geezer.)

I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever
laid eyes upon.)

My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole
night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

I’ve got a boyfriend (who’s really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and
Jerry’s).

I don’t date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn’t even date you if you
were in the same ‘solar system’, much less the same building.)

It’s not you, it’s me. (It’s not me, it’s you.)

I’m concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling
as my job is better than dating you.)

I’m celibate. (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

Let’s be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in
excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s
that male perspective thing)