Secret lover contract.
This agreement shall cover the following rules and principles:
No sleeping over – unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
No meeting in public except for drinks before the events of the evening.
No calls before 21h30 – we don’t have anything to talk about.
None of that lovemaking nonsense – only sex allowed.
No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?).
No plans made in advance – that is why You are called a “Backup”
All gifts accepted – money is always good.
No baby talk – however dirty talk is encouraged.
No asking for comparison with former lovers – it’s really none of your damn business.
No calling each other “friends with privileges” we are not friends, just sex buddies.
Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK – don’t be offended.
No extra clothing – I don’t want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
No falling asleep right after sex – it’s OVER, so get your ass up and go home.
Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you enjoyed it ? I DON’T CARE!!
You cannot borrow my car keys for any reason.
If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be “My room mate’s Boyfriend”
Doggie style is the preferred position – the reason is LESS EYE CONTACT!
No condoms, no action.
Bring your own drinks – I’m not your LIQUOR store.
No smoking cigarette before sex or after sex ? however DAGGA is encouraged.
No phone use, PLEASE – I don’t want anyone calling back looking 4 you’re ass.
No telling people we are lovers – it reduces my chances of replacing you.