You know you are a South African when
1. You produce a R100 note instead of your driver’s licence when stopped by a traffic officer
2. You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
3. You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
4. You can count the national soccer teams scores with no fingers
5. To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
6. Hijacking cars is a profession
7. Defecating in a garden can win you R1-million
8. You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic light
9. The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
10. More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election
11. People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence, Samsung and Airtime.
12. “Now now” can mean anything from a minute to a month!
13. You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.
14. Travelling at 120 km/h you’re the slowest vehicle on the highway
15. You’re genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.
16. A bullet train is being introduced but we can’t fix potholes
17. The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
18. You paint your cars registration on the roof
19. Half your mail is guaranteed to reach its destination
20. You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital
21. You dial a toll free number and nobody answers
22. You have to prove that you don’t need a loan to get one
23. Prisoners go on strike.
24. You don’t stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.
25. You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.
26. Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
27. When 2 Afrikaans TV programs are separated by a Xhosa announcement of the following Afrikaans program, and a Pedi ad.
28. The employees DANCE in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.
29. The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just finished viewing.
30. You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.
31. You call a bathing suit a “swimming costume”.
32. You stop at robots, not traffic lights.
33. You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you’ve never had any.
34. You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.
35. You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.
36. You go to “braais” (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors (long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously.
37. You have a gear lock for your car.
38. You’ve never seen snow in real life.
39. You know that there’s nothing to do in the Free State.
40. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from South Africa because you know its true…