1. Unless you’re Danica Patrick, we’d rather drive.
2. When we’re watching sports with other people in the room, DO NOT hold our hand or make playful chat, even during commercials.
3. Just because we talk to you online more than on the phone does not mean that we don’t care, it just means that we prefer listening to music.
4. We like when you cook for us, but if your baked ziti tastes like spoiled cabbage, we’d prefer take-out.
5. You like when we call and ask you out for dinner and pay for you, right? Well yea, we’d like it once in a while too.
6. If a guy is not completely honest with you about his feelings, he doesn’t trust you with them.
7. Shaving down there for you is not an option, it is a requirement.
8. GO TO THE GYM. Girls in tight workout clothes are hot; the overweight girl in loose sweats on the Hip Abductor machine is not.
9. Stop looking up at us for a sign of the finish line, keep your head down and focus.
10.Don’t ask us if you look fat in an outfit because you’re just going to overanalyze it no matter what we say and get pissed at us for no good reason.
11.S the D during that time of the month, it shows us that you really care.
12.Guys aren’t psychic, mind telling them what you mean?
13.Testicles have feelings too, do not ignore them.
14.If you’re on the Elliptical, get the hell off of your cell phone, you look like a fool.
15.2AM is the cutoff time for us to take you home after sex. If you happen to miss it, we like our eggs scrambled with a side of bacon.
16.If we ask you your weight, it isn’t because we think you’re fat, it’s because we’re curious. If you look fat, we already know it.
17.The more time you spend on your makeup, the more we know how insecure you are about your looks. The average man can s***, shower, shave and get dressed in under 20 minutes. When it’s time for dinner, we really aren’t concerned with the new shade of your lip gloss.
18.It’s natural for our eyes to wander. You should be concerned when our penis wanders though.
19.The balls don’t actually turn blue, but don’t kid yourself, it makes suicide sound better.
20.It doesn’t matter how amazing the sex is, we’re still gonna masturbate, and we’re gonna do it all the time, because we’re guys and that’s just what we do. Accept it already.
21.Don’t try to drop us any little sex clues like “accidentally” leaving a Cosmo magazine at our apartment. If you want us to do something just tell us because no two girls are exactly the same and we realize that.
22.Stop using our razors to shave your pits, it does not make us any closer. Have you not seen the price of replacement blades these days for a Mach 3!
23.Please tell us about times you have hooked up with other girls.
24.Please do not tell us about the times you have hooked up with other guys.
25.The following are things that we will do on our own when we feel comfortable doing it, do not try to make us: put “In A Relationship With” on Facebook, send you text messages, put a heart and your initials in our AIM profile, or talk about you in our away messages.
26.When we take you to a sporting event, stop asking questions. Either do your homework beforehand or be courteous and let us take our friends. Do you want us to keep pestering you for actor’s names during the 12th time you that you’ve taken us to see RENT?
27.Stop f-ing asking us to watch The Notebook. When’s the last time you agreed to watch Die Hard with me on a Friday night?
28.We know when you keep the faucet running in the bathroom that you’re taking a s***. Trust us, the sound
of the water does not disguise the plop so stop wasting our precious resources.
29.The only time we want to hear the words “stop” “no” and “don’t” are in this sequence: “NO! please DON’T STOP.”
30.It is not “just a game.” Let us get pissed about losing or we’re gonna wind up getting pissed at you.
31.Putting things in your butt turns us on.
32.We’re tired of having to take it easy against you when we play each other in video games. Either get some skills or sit beside us and quietly read a book.
33.Are you seriously planning to go out in Uggs and a skirt?
34.Sex is like a cookie. We’re not always hungry, but it’s never a bad time for a snack.
36.We’re tired of constantly re-taking pictures when we go out. Just for once can you be happy with it the first try?
37.Just because we let you cheat when you play us in sports does not make it OK to cheat with other guys.
38.Despite popular belief, a lot of guys like relationships too, but we’re no better at reading minds than you, so if you want to know what our intentions are, ASK US.
39.A girl that drinks with his guy is cool. A girl that can outdrink her guy belongs in AA.
40.If we go away for a vacation or for the summer, the absolute most annoying thing that you could possibly do is to constantly be calling us.
41.When guys get together, we all talk about how good or bad the sex is with our girlfriends. Just so you know.
42.Jewish guys want a girl that is nothing like their mother.
43.We’re tired of hearing about the pain you’re gonna have to go through during childbirth. How often do you hear guys talking about getting kicked in the balls?
44.Just because your last boyfriend was a jackass does not mean we all are. You expect us to give you a clean slate and leave old baggage behind. We expect the same from you.
45.If you know that we work out, compliment us and be sincere, we appreciate it when you notice.
46.Trust us, you are DEFINITELY not always right. You either need to start listening to us when we’re in an argument, or we’ll be more than happy to move on to someone who will.
47.Most guys who don’t mind spooning really just do it because we think that we might be able to slip it into your butt.
48.It’s OK to smoke cigarettes as long as we both do it. Otherwise, no guy wants to make out with an ashtray.
49.It’s about time you start waxing your upper lip, thanks.
50.Despite the fact that most of you will get mad and completely ignore what we’re trying to tell you on this list, we’ll still love you anyways. Probably not as much, but we gotta keep the species going right?