Things I Have Learned at School
1. Life isn’t fair, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be. If you make it to the top, remember what it felt like to be on the bottom.
2. The world doesn’t care about your self esteem: most people are so caught up in their own lives that they won’t be able to see to yours. Cherish those rare individuals who really see you, and think about your life before taking an action that will affect it.
3. You will not make $100 000 a year out of highschool UNLESS you become a Hollywood actor, professional athlete, or your family owns a major corporation. (see rule 1) You won’t become a CEO with a car phone unless you’re a great networker, so practice your schmoozing!
4. If you think your teacher is tough, he probably is. You can think of this as a challenge and a chance to grow, or just wait for a few years. Your memory schemas will blot out most of high school’s atrocities and you’ll be able to look back nostalgically with the rest of us.
5. Working at KFC is not beneath your dignity. Unfortunately, no one has told the customers that. They will call you every name in the book because you can’t give them a free soft drink and blame you because the manager failed to order enough coleslaw. (See rule 2)
6. If you mess up, it may PARTLY be your parents fault, there are genetic and environmental factors to many human behaviours and addictions (see rule 1), but you get very little sympathy from the general population (See rule 2). In the end, it’s up to you to deal with your demons. Talking to a councillor or minister may help you get your thoughts together, but it’s up to you to take action so yes, learn from your mistakes.
7. Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. In fact, they may not even be as boring as they seem now, but you’ll never know unless you get to know them. Rather than treating them as a landlord, try approaching them as a friend. Ask them about their day, their problems. If nothing else, you’ve gained a new way to confuse them. Never allow your contemplation of the mundane to interfere with your curiosity of the wider world: save the rainforest AND your closet. Don’t perpetuate a boring cycle.
8. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but you know from experience that society has not. This is a shame, but until someone can figure out a system that is equally effective at motivating people to succeed, it’s a system we’ve forced to work in.
9. Life is not divided into semesters, but on the plus side, you can take a week’s vacation without bringing 6 people a note before and after the fact, and your colleagues will take care of the projects that come up during your absence.
10. Television is not real life, but that won’t stop professors from using patients from House and Grey’s Anatomy as case studies. If you haven’t watched these shows, you are at a strange disadvantage. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs, unless they work at the coffee shop. In this case, expect to be Gunther. Every. Time. (See rule 5)
11. Be nice to nerds. And jocks. And goths. And gamers. And hipsters. Whether it gets you ahead in life or not, it may just earn you a friend. Society likes to cordon off the population with labels, but these are artificial. So don’t let someone else think for you. Don’t be afraid of crossing boundaries, and NEVER BE AFRAID OF BREAKING THE RULES!