I hate crushes!
I hate crushes. I hate that miserable feeling, that longing for someone, when I’m uncertain they feel the same way about me. I hate how he suddenly invades my mind; how I start thinking of everything I do in relation to how he’d respond to it. I hate how I start finding ways to bump into him; how I can suddenly just change my lifestyle to get his attention. I’ve taken a liking to soccer, Tupac,grown my hair, cut my hair, just to get the attention of a crush in my younger years. And even though I’ve grown older and wiser, crushes are still invasive. They make me feel so vulnerable. Even the strongest of us have that moment of weakness where we’re singing “what I gotta do to get close to you?”
Then there’s this thing called social media that now enables me to actively stalk my crush. If he follows or friends me, I find myself trying to edit my tweet, wondering if he’s going to like what I say. If he tweets a girl or is tagged in a photo with her, I zoom in on her profile and check her tweets to see who my ‘competition’ is. I hate crushes. They make me do such pathetic things.
At least social media stalking is relatively free. Many industries, from beauty to fashion, fitness and pop psychology are milking this crush situation. Like when I bought that new lip gloss (R100) for that party because I wanted kissable lips and knew he was going to be there. When he tweeted that he likes a woman in stilettos, I just had to get that new pair (R500) with the freakum dress (R400) to match. Then I got to the party and all I got was “hello” and off he went with that other not-so-nice girl. So I spent that night lovesick, moaning, wondering what in the world is wrong with me. Determined never to let this happen again, off to the bookshop I went and grabbed a copy of “How to get the Guy” (R 250) and “Why Men Love Not-So-Nice Girls (R 300).” I read them all in one go, notebook and highlights, and now finally had a game plan. I called him, went on a few dates, more outfits , more googled and twoggled tips and books on how to be responsive but not clingy, how to be flirty but not come across as easy, why men don’t call and so forth (+-R3000). I even bought a “Sports for Dummies” manual and a Manchester United t-shirt (R600) because he’s a fanatic. And then when it went sour, I bought a book called “He’s Just Not That Into You” (R 200) and promised to go on “The Man Diet (R 250).” A lot of money was spent and I still didn’t get the guy. I hate crushes.
I started to wonder whether this exploitation of my vulnerability also applied to members of the opposite sex. I’ve heard my male counterparts talk about how they spent so much money on a date only to get friendzoned. But most of them just move on. On to the next one. Rarely think about what could possibly be wrong with them that they didn’t get the girl. I know this because I didn’t find books called “Why women like bad boys” and “Act like a gentleman, think like a woman” at my bookshop. Male magazines are filled with half-naked women, gadgets and sports while even my health magazine will slot in ways to impress a man.
I for one am tired of getting ripped off by all sorts of industries playing with my feelings. If I don’t get the guy, nothing is wrong with me. We just don’t click. Plain and simple. I know this because one day I met a guy who was crushing back. The chemistry between us went way beyond what I wear- in fact, there was this one time I went to the drive-in in my cozy pyjamas and that very moment I learnt a lesson that’s going to keep lots of money in my pocket: as much as I want to impress him, I realised I don’t have to do anything, buy anything or be anything other than my best self to keep him around.
By: Mishumo Madima via