17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancée is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
68 My second wife is dead.

How you can tell when your neighbor is mad at you…

1. The reason why our bras don’t always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear.
2. The next time you and your buddies make jokes about armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
3. If we’re watching football with you – it’s not bonding – it’s their butts.
4. Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say after the movie.
5. Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
6. Please don’t drive when you’re not driving.
7. If you were really looking for an honest answer, you wouldn’t ask in bed.
8. The next time you make jokes about female drivers, research the number of accidents caused by rubber-necking mini-skirts.
9. If only women gossip, how do you and your friends keep track of “who’s easy”?
10. Stop telling us most male strippers are gay: we don’t care.
11. When you’re not around, I belch loudly, too.
12. We don’t mind if you look in the mirror to check your appearance – in fact, please do!
13. When you’re out with us, please wear “our” favorite outfit rather than “yours” – the torn jeans and dirty T-Shirt will last longer that way. Read more…