From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
her husband, and she said, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could
ever live without you.”Her husband asked, “Is that you, or the wine talking?”
She replied, “It’s me ……… talking to the wine.”..
African bush tribe whose men all had a penis 24 inches long. When the
black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and
on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the
penis to 24 inches.Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his
wife looked at him and said, “How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?” The husband agreed and they tied a string
and a weight to his penis.
A few days later, the wife asked the husband, “How is our little tribal
experiment coming along?”
“Well, it looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied.
“Wow, you mean it’s grown to 12 inches?”
“No, it’s turned black.”
What are three words that a married person would never want to hear during sex?
Honey I’m home
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose.
The doctor asks him what happened.
“Well,” says the man, “I was having a nice round of golf with my wife. She sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed that one of the cows had something protruding from its rear end. Sure enough, when it lifted its tail, there was my wife’s golf ball.”
“And?” asked the doctor.
“Well,” the man said, “that’s when I lifted the cow’s tail, pointed, and yelled to the missus, ‘Hey, honey – this one here looks like yours!’”
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
"Mommy, where do babies come from?"
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex."
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend.
"Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?"
"Jewellery, my dear. Jewellery."