I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What’s on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Have you ever served in the military?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was inIraqfor two years.”
It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
While walking down the street one day a ‘Member of Parliament’ is
tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we’re not sure what to do with you.’
1. Razor bump pussy. She’s still experimenting with the best Gillette model. The new razor with five blades caused a surprising amount of irritation.
2. Honda Civic pussy. The most common type of pussy. Reliable and basic with clean lines.
3. INTJ pussy. The clitoris is out just enough to make a pleasant introduction, but she’s not exactly dancing on the bar.
4. Cunnilingus pussy. Another common pussy type with strong clitoris action. Easy to go down on if you do that sort of thing (I don’t).
5. Vintage porn pussy. Humans have long since evolved, so you won’t find a young girl with this pussy anymore.
6. Lazy pussy. She’s putting in zero effort with her appearance yet still expects guys to approach her all night. You suspect she alternates between only two “going out” outfits. Read more…
Q. Why do only 10% of women go to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be hell.
Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can’t eat it.
Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. He didn’t have any arms.
Q. What’s the definition of eternity?
A. The time between when you cum and she leaves.
Q. What’s gray, sits at the bed and takes the piss?
A. A kidney dialysis machine.
Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. Cunt Stubble.
Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers when she passed two
novices just leaving early morning prayers on their way to classes.
As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning ladies."
The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you"
But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I Read more…