The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can see John Cena.
Chuck noris doesnt go swimming, water just wants to be around him
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’s daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a condom because there’s no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
It is reported it failed to take off from JHB(South Africa)…that’s all we hearing so far.
Jack: Where were you born?
Julius : South Africa …
Jack: Which part?
Julius : What ‘which part’? The whole body was born in South Africa .
Julius and his friend were fixing a bomb in a car:
Friend: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?
Julius : Don’t worry, I have one more. Read more…
Julius enters Spar Supermarket to buy himself orange juice and sugar.
He paid for the orange juice and walked out with the sugar under his arm, unpaid.
At the door he was arrested and locked up.
During the court hearing, the judge asked him why he paid for the juice only and stole the sugar?
He replied "Auw, VOETSEK man, I do not steal. At the back of the juice bottle is said:
SUGAR FREE! You think I am stupid or what, ha"
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
“House” for instance, is feminine: “la casa.”
“Pencil,” however, is masculine: “el lapiz.”
A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?”
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“lacomputadora”), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; Read more…
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?"
"You’ll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"
Here’s a list of 6 craziest lies married men tell their mistresses, which in fact means something else.
- I don’t love my wife.
We are going through a hard time and I will soon be separating. That’s a LIE. Men don’t advertise leaving home to the other woman. If they are really in a bad relationship, most of them just find a place to go and leave. This is the type of conversation they have with their wives, but this is the line where they get you hooked, because you do believe that this is going to happen. Warning: Don’t believe it. If he means it, wait until he actually does it and then start dating him.
At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the class, and she discovered little Jimmy with a cat up his jumper.
She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Jimmy started crying. "I woke up this morning to hear the postman tell Mummy ‘I’m gonna eat your pussy today!"