Funny pickup lines aren’t always the ones that give you the desired result! If you do use any, good luck! And please add your own Funny Pickup Lines and Chat Up Lines at the bottom.

I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bed rock!

Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes!

I’ve heard sex is a killer. Want to die happy?

Excuse me, but I’m new in town, can I have directions to your place?

Can I buy you a drink – or would you just prefer the five bucks?

I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.

Read more…

SEX is just like a payslip we don’t really speak about it …… because maybe your friend gets paid more than you!!

A 10yr old daugther leading a family in prayer:
"Dear God,
I thank u 4 giving me such lovable parrents, Thank u 4 the visitors and there children who ate all my cookies and ice cream. Bless ‘em lord so that they shall never have 2 cum 2 our home 4 supper ever again. Forgive the boy who was wrestling with my sister on her bed and this naughty girl 4 eatin sausage on my brother’s pants as he slept on the sofa, and this winter pliz send clothes 2 all those poor naked ladies in daddy’s cell phone & build shelter to all the homeless men who sleep with mum wen dad is away at work…Amen.

A preacher finished the service one morning by saying,

"Next Sunday, I’m going to preach on the subject of LIARS. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17."

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said,

"Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17. If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand. Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Smiling, the preacher said, "You are the very people I want to talk to. Mark only has 16 Chapters."

Why TEACHERS may feel the urge to get DRUNK. You want to know the reason why? Here are some:

Read more…

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much consideration and discussion,they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his Paycheque.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we wear raincoats." And the congregation said, "Amen"

Son asked his mother the following question:

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and
replies,

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

"Son, all household appliances come in white."

IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS!!!!!!
IT’S EVEN A BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT !!!!!!!