HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too !
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I’m having a headache this weekend !
If you attended primary and high school in Kenya, you will relate to these English, enjoy………….
From a Nyeri High School grammar teacher:
“The girl goes to school, goesn’t she?”
1. Unless you’re Danica Patrick, we’d rather drive.
2. When we’re watching sports with other people in the room, DO NOT hold our hand or make playful chat, even during commercials.
3. Just because we talk to you online more than on the phone does not mean that we don’t care, it just means that we prefer listening to music.
4. We like when you cook for us, but if your baked ziti tastes like spoiled cabbage, we’d prefer take-out.
5. You like when we call and ask you out for dinner and pay for you, right? Well yea, we’d like it once in a while too.
6. If a guy is not completely honest with you about his feelings, he doesn’t trust you with them.
7. Shaving down there for you is not an option, it is a requirement.
8. GO TO THE GYM. Girls in tight workout clothes are hot; the overweight girl in loose sweats on the Hip Abductor machine is not.
Teacher:i killed a man. who can say this in future tense?
student : (answer) you will go to jail.
An angry wife to her husband on the phone: Where the hell are you
Husband: Darling you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the
Diamond Necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn’t have
money that time and said Baby it’ll be yours one day.
Wife, with a smile blushing: Yeah I remember that my Love.
Husband: I’m in the Pub next to that shop!
MR MONKEY
Mr Monkey is only married on paper but in reality he is still a bachelor. He married because of some family pressures, maybe impregnating the girl out of wedlock. Monkey is not responsible, he doesn’t realize he is now a man and has a wife and child (ren) to look after. He still hangs around with his bachelor friends. They go out, braai, drink and be merry with young girls and his car pumps out loud music, it’s actually a mobile disco. His house is like a lodge to him, he only comes home to sleep. He sleeps out once in a while and has his friends to testify to his wife that he slept at their place after drink or when the car had broken down. He is really a nuisance to the family.
MR LION
He is very violent and is always boiling like acid and suffers from mood swings. His home is run through intimidation and dictatorship. There are strict rules and regulations for the wife and children and whoever breaks these is thoroughly beaten. His home is run like a high school. There are strict meal times and heavy padlocks at Read more…
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and fainting. “What’s going on?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialling 9-1-1, his 4-year old son comes up and says; “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your clothes closet and he’s got no clothes on!”
Read more…
Jim’s wife decides to take him to their local strip club for his birthday for a bit of fun.
They arrive at the door of the club and the bouncer says: "Hey Jim, how’s it going?"
"Friends of yours?",
the wife asks. "We play cricket together", Jim replies. When
they get inside, the barmen sees Jim and says: "Jim, my man!!!" The wife looks at Jim puzzled. "Another friend?" "He is in the dart club with me darling", Jim replies. Read more…
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