Real friend test!

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn’t know your parents’ first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. Contine reading

Clinton at the Bank

If President Clinton has had to do it like the rest of
us… this is how it SHOULD have gone:

Hi, Mrs. and Mrs. Clinton.

So, you want to buy the old Rye Brook place? That is 2.2
million and with the customary 20 percent down
($440,000) leaves a mortgage of $1,760,000.

Now, let’s have a look at your financial statements…

Let’s see, Mr. Clinton, you are the President of the
United States, of course, and your salary is $200,000 a year.
We recommend buying a house that costs no
more than two and a half times your annual salary.
That means you should be looking for something around
$500,000… perhaps a nice brick home?
Contine reading

A new Priest and Vodka

A new priest was so nervous at his first mass he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

  • Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.
  • There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  • There are 12 disciples, not 10. Contine reading

Hold on tight to the ones you love

  • To realize The value of a sister Ask someone Who doesn’t have one.
  • To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple.
  • To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate.
  • To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.
  • To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
  • To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby. Contine reading

Todays top links

  • Amanda Cerny is in her bikini that is all you need to know [TwitPicOfTheDay]
  • Nancy Grace farts on live TV [GodBlessTheInternet]
  • Lucy Pinder is this week’s dudette of the month [CoolDudeStuff]
  • Ricks Cabaret girl Valentina is a sexy school girl [ReposDelight]
  • Jennifer Aniston saves this movie with her sex appeal [iBlackedOut]
  • Photos that are guaranteed to make you laugh [GuysGab]
  • Red October has arrived [UberGnome]
  • Nothing like a wedding photo fail [Funtasticus]
  • Eriana White looks like a dirty little minx [BugeHoobs]
  • 20 examples of snakes killing stuff [RegretfulMorning]
  • Mapping zombies [TIFR]
  • Ass Wednesday! [turdfergusonblog]
  • Dude in the Phillipines gets a lot of plastic surgery to look like Superman[BarstoolSports]
  • 20 pictures of Holly Peers in Nuts Magazine [NotSafeForWhat]
  • 77 of the sexiest smiles [COEDMagazine]
  • Am I in love or am I high [Nerve]
  • Hope Solo gets naked for ESPN [CallingItLikeItIs]

Woman and Public Toilets

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

Once it’s your turn,you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle.

You get in to find the door won’t lock.It doesn’t matter. The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone’s Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook,if there were one, but there isn’t – so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

Contine reading