1st woman: Hi! My name is Sandra.
2nd woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
If he calls you and your phone is off, he thinks you’re cheating….then he sends a sms saying “don’t tell me the battery story coz I know that line”
If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are TOO IN LOVE, moving too fast;
If u Don’t, he says u are PROUD .
If u DRESS NICELY, he says u are trying to LURE other men;
If u DON’T, he says u are RURAL.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN, too manly;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS, a walkover
If u are SMARTER than him, you’re a SHOW-OF;
I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’
The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn’t know you were into earrings.’
Sipho is working for a massive construction company, and his boss is white. Sipho always gets in trouble with his boss and his boss always swears him.
Sipho decides to lay a complaint .So he goes to comrade Zuma’s office.
Zuma tells him, “He cannot treat u lyk dis,doesn’t he know things r changed in my country?”
So dey decide to go together to confront Sipho’s boss. Sipho points out hisboss to Zuma.
The Four Posible Husbands and The Four Posible Wives
Wife was sure that her husband was cheating on her with the maid so she laid a trap. One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn’t tell the husband. That night when they went to bed the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach, & went to the bathroom. The wife promptly went into the maid’s bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, He wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her… When he finished & still panting, the wife said: You didn’t expect to find me in this bed, did you? & switched on the light… No madam, Said the gardener …
A doctor has some urgent matter coming up.
He calls his orderly, Kapal, and tells him
“Kapal, I have to go off for the afternoon,
we don’t want to close the clinic,
can you take care of our patients ?”
“Yes, sir……” answers Kapal.
The doctor returns the next day and asks:
“So Kapal, how did it go ?”
Kapal tells him he took care of 3 patients.
“The first one had a headache so I gave him PANADO.”
“Nice one Kapal, and the second one?” asks the doctor.
“The second one had fever and I gave him PANADO, sir” says Kapal
” Bravo Kapal, and what about the third one?” asks the doctor. Read more…
Some of the silly excuses that men give to avoid wearing a condom: I don’t have any!!!
1. I’ll pull out before I ejaculate.
2. I left them in the car’s glove compartment and they melted!
3. They hurt me, they cut the blood off.
4. I’m too big, I cannot wear them.
5. We didn’t use one last time and it was ok, wasn’t it?
6.There wasn’t any left in the machine.
7. It’s like having a bath with your socks on.
8. I never wear them and I am ok, I’ve never had an STD Read more…