The kind where you feel the shit come out, but there is no shit in the toilet.
The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won’t ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave shit
This happens when you’re done shit-ing and you’ve pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to shit some more.
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
It’s so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log shit
The kind of shit that is so huge you’re afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Self-explanatory. Read more…
South African taxi driver job description
Purpose of the job :To transport and insult passengers
Specific experience required
* Swearing at the public
* Rude to other drivers and pedestrians in taxi wars
* Stayed in the hostel for 3 weeks
* Shot at least one person
Required Outputs : Functional
* Drive to Wanderers and back
* Skilled in sporting port holes
* Drive unworthy kombi
* Must be able to spot traffic cops from miles
* Able to buy good stolen car radios
* Be able to fight during taxi wars
Qualification and expertise required( Must )
* Must speak only ZULU
* Must own 2 unlicensed fire arms
* Must have 2days experience as a taxi driver at least at Natal
* Must be illiterate
* Must be extremely rude and aggressive
* Must at least have a criminal record for not more than 2months
Can have a fraudulent drivers license
* Knowledge of short cuts
* Can count only if the money comes seat by seat
* Can count up to 16 passengers
* At least involved in 6 traffic accidents
No offence, it’s just a survey
WHICH AGE GROUP ARE YOU IN?
AGES OF WOMEN:
16-19: BRAND NEW;
27-36: SECOND HAND;
37-45: NEEDS MAJOR SERVICE; (mileage is gone-out of “motor” plan)
46-55: IT’S A REBUILD;
61-70: WRITE OFF
AGES OF MEN:
14-39: BRAND NEW
56-60 SECOND HAND
61-75 VINTAGE CLASSIC (OLD BUT STILL RUNNING SMOOTH)
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Larry, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the Milkman wants to buy Mum ….."
In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves;
They took it to different countries for a test.
In USA, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;
In UK in 30 minutes, it caught 500 thieves;
In Spain, in 20 minutes, it caught 25 thieves;
In Ghana, in 10 minutes, it caught 6,000 thieves;
In Uganda, in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves;
In Kenya, in 8 minutes, it caught 30,000 thieves;
In South Africa, in 5 minutes, the machine was stolen.
Who said Engineers cannot charm ladies?
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
Trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face,
conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.
Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of
a particular Magnitude from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians
made a tangent to my heart, my heart differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which
only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The tangent
of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial fractions
but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero
You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10
at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart
would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.
With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and
minima, of an unknown function.
You make my heart pump like a Turbo diesel engine.
The cucumber said, ‘when I get big and hard, they chop me up and toss me
in a salad!’
The pickle says, ‘you got it easy mate! When I get big and hard, they
chop me up and drown me in vinegar!’
The penis says, ‘lads, that’s nothing compared to what I go through when
I get big and hard! They put a plastic bag over my head, shove me into a
small, warm, damp cave and bang my head against a wall until I throw up