A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’ She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it’s usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Here’s an update for you… Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband
had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it
was such a good idea.
‘Do you enjoy it?’ The doctor asked. ‘Actually, yes, I do. ”Does it hurt
you?’ he asked. ‘No. I rather like it.’ ‘Well, then,’ the doctor
continued, ‘there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s
what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.’
The woman was mystified. ‘What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?’ ‘Of
course you can, ‘ the doctor replied. ‘Where do you think  
ugly people come from.’ ,

Since every girl is different and pretty in their own way!Can this ways make girls smile?

1. Tell her she is beautiful
2. Hold her hand at any moment … even if its just for a second.
3. Hug her from behind
4. Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5. Wrestle with her
6. Don’t go hang out with you ex when she is not with you, you might not realize how badly it hurts her.
7. If you’re talking to another girl, when you’re done talking, walk over and hug her and kiss her….let her know she’s yours and they aren’t.
8. Write her notes or call her just to say “hi”
9. Introduce her to your friends … as your girlfriend.
10. Play with her hair.
11. Pick her up (she loves it)
12. Get upset if another guy touches her and she doesn’t like it
13. Make her laugh
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms.
15. If she’s mad at you, kiss her.
16. If you care about her, then TELL HER
17. Every guy should give their girl 3 things: a stuffed animal (she’ll hug it every time she goes to sleep), jewellery (she’ll treasure it forever), and one of her t-shirts (she’ll most likely wear it to bed) or sweatshirts sprayed with her cologne!! and flowers or something occasionally.
18. Treat her the same around your friends as you do when you’re alone.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile.
20. Hang out with her on weekends
21. Kiss her in the rain (girls love this)
22. Kiss her just for the heck of it
23. If your listening to music, let her listen too.
24. Remember her birthday and get her something, even if it’s simple and inexpensive, it came from YOU. it means all the world to HER.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it, even if you don’t (it’ll make her happy.)
26. Always call her when you say you will, it may not seem like it, but it does hurt her and makes her think you don’t care so call even if you can only talk for a minute. Girls don’t necessarily have to have hour long conversations every night but its nice for us to hear your voice even for a quick hello.
27. Give her what she wants
28. Recognize the small things … they usually mean the most.
29. Don’t hug her friends or your friends that are girls cause she’ll feel left out.
30. Hang out with her whenever you are free and u should be free to hang wit your girl friend all the time
31. If u care about her…SHOW her!

Three men are in a car which is about to crash. They all decided to throw out one valuable item.
The first person throws out a rock. The second throws out a pen. The third throws out a grenade.
Their car crashes and they survive the crash. Then, they all start walking back to get their valuable items.
The first man sees a little girl crying and asks her, "Little girl, why are you crying?" The little girl replies, "Someone threw a rock at me!"
The second guy sees a little boy crying and asks him, "Little boy, why are you crying?" The little boy replies, "Someone threw a pen at me and poked me in the eye!"
The third guy sees a fat kid laughing really hard and so he asks him, "Hey kid, why are you laughing so hard?" The fat kid replies, "I farted and my house blew up."

So three guys were in the jungle and were captured by a wild
tribe.
When they get to the camp, the chief says,"We will let u live,
if u can do a task. if u fail, we will kill u. The first thing u
need to do is get 10 of a kind of fruit. any fruit. then come c
us."

so the first guy comes back with 10 apples, and the chief
says,"now shove them all up your ass without making a sound." so
the guy gets to the 3rd apple and he grunts. so they kill him,
and he floats up to heaven.

now the 2nd guy comes back with 10 grapes and the chief says the
same thing. so the guy gets in 9 grapes. Then he suddenly bursts
out laughing. so they kill him too and he goes up to heaven.

when he gets up there the first guy asked,"you start laughing,
u almost made it." and the second guy says,"I would have. but i
laughed when i saw the other guy coming back with pineapples."

A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want 2 impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?
Trainer replies: Use the ATM outside !”

A little boy asks his Dad: What’s between mom’s legs?
The father answers: Paradise , my son
The kid asks again: What’s between your legs?
The father replies: The key to the paradise
The son says: Piece of advice Dad,
change the lock, the neighbour has a duplicate key.

Paddy was about to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride was a virgin.
The doctor said, ‘Well, you need three things from a hardware store, A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… And a shovel.’
Paddy asked, ‘And what do I do with these, doc?’
The doctor replied, ‘Before the wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.
If she looks at them and says, "That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw", you smack her with the shovel.’