On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked

for R200,00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused

state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than

30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new

clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her

husband in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was

going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another job.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than

thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly R1 million.

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were

worth over R2 million. She explained that she had ‘charged’

him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.

The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found

his voice and blurted out, "If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would

have had sex only with you."….

That’s when she shot him.

You know, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut…!!!!

Just on Wedding Day.I fear for the bride.

A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (making love to a dead person) 

The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I’ve never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn’t lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"

The man replied, "I’ll give you THREE good reasons: 
1. It’s none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and…..
3.  I didn’t KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"

LADIES, PLEASE TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE GAME.
GUYS, IF A LADY IS NOT MOVING, STOP IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF SHE IS ALIVE.

He didn’t know terrorists attacked his work building so he was caught cheating .

Why Men Have Better Friends

Women’s Friends:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The husband called his wife’s ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about.

Men’s Friends:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife called her husband’s 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

This true story happened in South Africa about six month ago.A man was hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm.The night was rolling by and there was hardly a car on the road.  The storm was so strong that he could hardly see his feet in front of him.Suddenly a car came towards him and stopped. Without thinking, he got in and closed the door,just to realize that there was nobody behind the
steering wheel. The car moved off slowly. He looked ahead and saw a curving the road.
Scared, he started praying, begging for his life. He was terrified.  Just before hitting the curve a hand appeared through the window and turned the
steering wheel. The man, now paralysed with fear, watched how the hand kept appearing every time they got to a curve.  Gathering all his courage,
he jumped out and ran to the nearest lights he could see. Wet and in shock, he went into a shebeen and asked for Black-Label. After drinking it, he told everyone of the horrible experience he just had. Everyone was silent when they realized he was crying.
About half an hour later, two men came walking into the shebeen and, on seeing the terrified man, the one said to the other, "Look, boy,that's the idiot that got into the car while we were pushing it".

One day three monks were told by the minister that today was their day off, to do whatever they want, and at the end of the day, god would forgive them of their sins.

The monks thought this sounded like a good idea so they went off into the city.
At the end of the day the three monks returned to the church and the minister greeted them.

The first monk came up, and the minister asked, "What did you do today". The monk replied "I robbed an off-license."

"Good" the minister replied. "Go and drink from the holy water".

The second monk came up and the minister asked the same question. "I vandalised a primary school" he answered.

"Good" the minister replied. "Go and drink from the holy water".

The third monk stepped up and the minister repeated "and what did you do today". "I pissed in the holy water", came the reply.