HE :Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I’d rather have the money.
HE: I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.
HE: Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must’ve been given your share. Read more…
A skinny little white Irishman goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little Irishman staring at him, he looks down and says : 7′ feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown.
The little white Irishman faints and falls to the floor.
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, ‘What’s wrong with you?’
In a weak voice the little guy says, ‘What EXACTLY did you say to me?’
The big dude says, ‘I saw your curious look and figured I’d just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me…… I’m 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 pounds each and my name is Turner Brown.’
The little white Irishman says:
‘Turner Brown?!….Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, ‘Turn around’
A very rich man was in a restaurant with his wife. After a number of cups of coffee one lady came and greet a man.
Wife: Who is that?
Husband: My second wife
Wife: I cant take it, give me a divorce
Husband: Ok i will, and i wonder where you will be getting trips and travels, who will send you to saloon two times a week, when you will drive BMW, Mercedes Benz, Lamborghini again coz i am not gonna give you any of my cars.
After few minutes another woman come and greet the man and go away.
Husband: This is my friend’s second wife.
Wife: Oh really? But she is not as cute as our second wife
Submitted by Jkiss
In a relationship, married or not… You should read this.
Marriage. Obafemi Fayomi story.
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my family room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door…
I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says, “I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?”
I immediately replied, “Nope, I’m free… I have no plans at all!”
Then she said, “Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?”
MAN… IT’S NO FUN GETTING OLD!!!
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
- You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
- Her Wedding dress – $5000. Your Tux rental – $100.
- People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch (or fart)is practically expected.
- New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Read more…
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
is for Call ya later.She won’t. She never has before.
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?