His prayers are answered
· Man says to priest: Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I usually look at pictures of naked girls and dirty pics of them on my blackberry. The priest replies: Forward your sins to me here’s my bbm(blackberry chat app) pin.
A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says, “Mister, can you spare a dollar?”
The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?“
“No,” says the bum.
The man then asks, “If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?”
Again the bum says, “No.”
So the man says to the bum, “Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.
Edna replied, "He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
It has two feet,two arms,but never more than one idea on its head or a button on its shirt.
A man is what a woman marries.
To turn a man into a husband is one of the most delicate plastic operation known to civilization.It requires Hope,Faith and Charity.
If you flatter a man,you bore him to death,
If you don’t,he wonders what stuff women are made of.
If you are the type that wears gay colours like bright orange,red,yellow, He gazed on women in subtle colours.
If you are the type that takes the back seat and let him do all the talking,He swears you’ll kill him.
If you talk about marriage,he enters into a shell and answer in Mono-Syllables.
If you don’t talk about marriage,he wonders how much longer you intend in playing around.
There is no question you’ll hook him.but there will be a time of tolerance.
Maybe you think I’m lying(Agree Or Disagree)
It doesn’t appear to be Photoshopped
What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58,
68, and 78?
At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you???