1. It’s an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they have had a couple of drinks.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
1. It’s an incentive to show up.
Now stop looking at girls,you are committed now!
Oho what do u mean,
if I’m on diet,
that doesn’t mean that i can’t look at MENU .
Dear Twilight fans
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Translation is not needed. You will get what this is all about.
A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said:
"Your Honour, I brought the child into the world with pain and labour.
She should be in my custody".
The judge turns to the husband and says "What do you have to say in
your defence?" The man sat for a while contemplating. Then slowly
"Your Honour, if I put a Rand in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, Whose Coke is it, the machines’ or mine?"
Son: Mummy do you know that our maid is an Angel?
Mummy: Why do you say that?
Son: I saw her naked with her hands up on the wall screaming, "Oh God I’m
If it was not for daddy that was holding her tight from behind, she would
have gone to heaven
This is the private diary of a Viagra housewife…
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me.
He´s impotent, he says,and he wants me to be the first to know.
Why doesn’t´t he tell me something I don´t know!
I mean, he actually thinks I haven´t noticed.
This marriage is in trouble.
A woman has needs.
Yesterday, I saw a picture of Nelson´s Column and burst into tears.
A miracle has happened!
There´s a new drug on the market that will fix his ´problem´.
It´s called Viagra.
I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night.
I think this will work.
I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
What absolute bliss!!.
Isn´t life wonderful but it´s difficult to write while he´s doing that.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head.
No pun intended!
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I´d like a Whopper.
He thought they were talking about him.
But, have to admit it´s very nice – I don´t think I´ve ever been so happy.
I think he took too many over the weekend.
Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker.
I´m also getting a bit sore down there.
No time to write.
He might catch me.
Okay, I admit it.
I mean, a girl can only take so much.
And to make matters worse, he´s washing the Viagra down with neat whisky!
What am I going to do?
I feel tacky all over….
I´m basically being screwed to death.
It´s like living with a Black and Decker drill.
I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed.
Even my armpits hurt.
He´s a complete pig.
I wish he was gay.
I´ve stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me!
Even yawning has become dangerous…
Every time I shut my eyes, there´s a sneak attack!
It´s like going to bed with a scud missile.
I can hardly walk and if he tries that
thing again, I´ll kill the bastard.
I´ve done everything to turn him off.
Nothing is working.
I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny.
I think I´ll have to kill him.
I´m starting to stick to everything I sit on.
The cat and dog won´t go near him and our friends don´t come over any more.
Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did.
The bastard has started to complain about headaches.
I hope the bloody thing explodes.
I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.
Switched the pills but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference…Christ!
Here he comes again!
He´s back on Prozac.
The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him.
What absolute bliss!
1. Men are like ……..Laxatives ……. They irritate the shit out of you.
2. Men are like …….. Bananas …… The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like …….. Weather ….. Nothing can be done to change them..
4. Men are like …….. Blenders ….. You need One, but you’re not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ……. Chocolate Bars …. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ……. Commercials …… You can’t believe a word they say.
7. Men are like …….. Department Stores ….. Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like …….. Government Bonds ….. They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like ……. Mascara…… They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like ……. Popcorn . ….. They sa! tisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like . Snowstorms ………….. You never know when they’re coming,
how many inchesyou’ll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ……..Lava Lamps ….. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like …….. Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.